I’m a happy married, mother of three, who is desperately seeking to fill an empty chasm in an otherwise very nice life. In case my husband is reading this (unlikely but sure I better cover all bases), he needn’t worry – while I’m looking for something new but I’m not (yet) in the market for a new husband.
No, today my needs are different. Today, I’m in the market for some political inspiration. And things are not looking good.
You see, I’ve officially had enough of listening to news of far right eejits; far left eejits; and bog-standard-eejits. Not for one moment to forget of course our very own homegrown eejits who think giving a bunch of nuns with a poor-track record in basic humanity a State owned maternity hospital is a wonderful idea. Yes, I’ve officially had enough.
But it’s all very well having enough. What exactly can I actually do in the highly likely scenario that I’m someday soon asked to choose between any of the aforementioned eejits? Could I bring myself to vote for Fianna Fail, the party most tarnished by the stink of corruption and cronyism? Can I see any hope that Fine Gael aren’t another shade of shite, unwilling to stand up to the vested interests that really run the show? Can I forgive broken Labour for the heartless cuts and maybe accept that they did the best in bad times? Could I ever vote to Sinn Fein – who chase the popular vote while refusing to send home the bodies of Ireland’s disappeared? Could the Social Democrats actually get their act together and become something? Are the Greens still green, still there, still relevant? Do I actually have anyone at all in whom I could entrust my vote?
Sod that. I’m not happy to retire my vote and drift towards political apathy so I’m getting off my arse and doing something about my ‘politically single status’. I’m going to put myself out there and try to hook up with a suitable someone. I’m abandoning the traditional methods to identify a potential political muse – i.e. reading the papers, listening to the news and keeping up with political discourse, as that’s proving far too depressing. I’m going old school and taking out an ad.
So, if you think we have more in common that not, then maybe we’re a match…
I’ll be waiting.